the ties that bind us to one another can be as frail as a spider's webbing or strong as braided steel.  over time, even the most resilient anchors that bind us to the ones we love share can erode from neglect.  becoming brittle, these heartstrings threaten to snap, and sometimes do.  heartstrings is the journey of one soul through the loss and despair when more than one of these ties snap suddenly, but it is also about recovery.  oh yeah, by the way, it jams!

normally, i write in collaboration with others about fictional events or characters.  this was not the case here.  for better or worse, this is what it is.  names have been deleted from the songs to obscure the other parties involved. 

some say i've opened Pandora's box by doing what i've done.  but if you take a look inside you might find hope tucked into a corner.

welcome to my cold shelter

I'm here all alone

I've got walls between my friends

right now, just leave me alone

refused my offering for your love

was she a chameleon on the run

am I broken? can I be fixed?

was she the one to determine this

 

pick the orchid from the land

kiss the light goodbye (can you feel the light inside)

when the autumn angels sing

you will feel my light inside

 

outstretch your hands toward my grave

lay me down in this pleasant shade

show me you're dark and deep inside

like the dead heart I own

we could celebrate our anniversary

but there's no reason on this day

unless you rescue me, my angry child

I've always loved you

 

have I become the slave?

have you become the master?

walk with me down the path

to the flower's garden and destroy it all

I try to sleep...

but your ghost keeps me awake at night

thoughts of you creep into my head

to keep the fire burning bright

 

all the things I wanted to say

but I let them just slip away

no point now you're gone and past

will I ever fall asleep at last

 

I could hurt you with one phone call

don't have that change to say it all

anyway, would you just hang up?

leaving me, out here stuck

 

all I want is to get some sleep

fly from these memories

do you know what you do to me?

someday I'll heal from this grief

three weeks have gone by

I still wonder how you passed the time

things surly must have changed

the way you feel and think about me

 

I know my heart was in knots

thinking of you with someone else

it left me cold and numb inside

to the world as it passed me by

 

thinking of you and all the things I said

hid your comments from my view, will this happen again?

 

three years have gone by

marriage and divorce are full of surprise

my, how things have changed

the way you feel and think about me

 

my thirty years have rushed by

not quite young but I feel old inside

I know you didn't do this to me

with the way you feel and think about me

 

I forgave you long ago

though you didn't need it

I never trusted your judgment

but I believed it

living my life like a broken record

rescratching the vinyl I like to play

following the skipping needle around

hasn't taught me much that was sound

 

mistakes I've made, let's play it again!

things I've said, I can't take back.  did I lose another friend?

my silence isolates me in the crowded scene

I'm all alone now, I won't let you near me

 

something tells me from inside

my life all wrong, remix the tune and fade away

I've read this liner notes before

the stylus is at its end.  return the needle and start again

 

I never told you why made me so mad

said I could fly with my dreams, and then you made me land

did I make you angry?  no surprise again

I'm done trying and I've just lost my best friend

 

the gestures you make and emotions you feel

words you said you can't believe were real

this madness isolates me in a room with you

together we erupt, let's repeat the view

 

this madness isolates me, in a room with you

together we erupt, now I'm flying from you

 

as the sun came up it blew my mind

have I been down here for so much time?

if I slash at these memories of wasted dedication

will the razor marks please another?

 

I am here...  do you feel my prayers?

spiraling down to you in the dark

I am here...  you're out there

falling farther into the dark

 

I crawled out of my whole in time

to find you're not up in the sunshine

the chain is broken that held down

the ties that bind are snapped as well

 

I am here...  answer my prayers

before I slip back into the dark

I'm on this ledge..  you're out there

will I ever find you in the dark?

 

memories come flashing forward

I look back and you're not there

my memories come flashing back

if I found you, would you care?  would you dare?

 

you are here...  always in my prayers

as I creep back to find you in the dark

I am here...  you're out there somewhere

as I dive back into the dark

 

make the sun come up.  just make the sun come up

she can make the sun come up... and the sun came up

 

as I rise with the sun

I'm disappointed death has not come

I look beside me, and there you lye

but I'm in the preset, not back in time

 

all I see now, all I know 

all I want now, resembles you

all I think now is I can't grow now

not beside me, without you

 

from the bed, I pray to the sky

make the day nightmares subside

I lean over to give you a kiss

but its the time and space you fill I miss

 

all I see now, all I know 

is all I just used to want now

all I think now is I have to grow now

not beside me, without you

 

do you see me when I'm not there?

can others remind you of what we used to share?

do you look for me in crowded bars?

if not to run, then to see the stars?

 

passed the exit for El Centro

on my way to San Diego

thinking about my friends and family

of what is and what I will be

 

don't leave me out here in the wasteland

out in the desert to wither and die

the lights are blinding me in the wonderland

tearing and pulling my soul from me (trying to sell my soul back to me)

 

my grandparents gone and now I'm wondering

low long before my mom and dad

will you always be there for me?

through the forest of cacti or the open sea

 

am I stranded here in the desert

amidst a raging wind in my worst haze

I'm sorry if it seems that I scream at you

because in the wind you still answer me

 

don't leave me here out in the wasteland

under this sun to blister and fry

the lights are blinding me in this neon wonderland

watch over my family for me

 

picking up the pieces off the floor

I'm not in love with her anymore

it gets easier everyday away

knowing you've helped set me free

 

help me though this pain and mourning

to see the light and keep on growing

seize my body and take all this fear

get me through my 2nd year (cause I'm in pieces this 2nd year)

 

am I angry or sad?  feel joy or pain?

brain is on spin cycle washed up again

confused by ghosts that haunt my night

thank you for being my guiding light

 

what goes around come around

I've lived and learned by it every day

comes the time when I don't miss her here

and what I want is your friendship near

I loved her so much but don't want her back

it can hurt so much in this other camp

I know you're what I need to show the end

thank you for being my friend

 

 

am I alone on this mountain top?

feeling the cold of self isolation

I feel empty on this spot

consumed by the hunger in my eyes

 

coming into view I see your light

it shines so brightly I start to go blind

calling to me, it brings me to my knees

my anger's washed away, everything's all right

 

does my body have a soul

and am I puppet who is not in control? (is my destiny out of control)

are your footsteps beside me?  I'm losing faith

only you know if ill see your light in tomorrow's day

 

thinking back about our shared times

another way to show I was so blind

your third view shows I wasn't right

and makes me reach harder for your light

 

does this calling come from above?

I know sometimes I lack faith but I still have your love

the snow blows and you take control

please take my hand as I release it all

 

 

I swore some symbols into power

but the life I had came to an end

first my band and then the marriage

I lost all I could understand

 

burning out from learning fast

dreams I bought came to an end at last

where's my ring?  down the elm street drain

shows and scolds me, life's a pain (time to grow again)

 

I fought for a second chance

for all the good it did me

did I get what I wished for?

and did any of it mean anything?

 

the triple gear wasn't so clear

everyone seems to have changed

my ring broken, and his ring broke us

his salvation was my pain

 

I still don't know what hurt more

mind side out, or my marriage

which was truly rebuildable?

which one should I cherish?

 

All music copyright 2005 Q